Heidi Montag Just Likes to Feel Useful

And now for the most shocking, and unpredictable news of the day: Heidi Montag is in a bikini! I realize some of you might not believe it, but let it be known, I admire your skepticism.

Here she is in Costa Rica yesterday pretending the paparazzi are somehow taking pictures of her from inside her house because that happens all the time and is entirely legal. On that note, anyone notice how she’s knocking back two strawberry daiquiris? Granted, one might be Spencer’s, who’s hiding behind the water noodles until the shoot’s over, but then again, I’m not seeing a penis straw and/or a man’s washboard abs for it to be poured down which means Heidi’s a drunk. SHOW US YOUR BOOBS NIPPLE PARTS.